Random Ass Skype Story
by InsanityExplosion
Summary: Okay, so my friend and I were talking, and out of nowhere he asked for a story... here's my shitty results, and his reactions to the shit that I wrote. (Might add another if I am asked to... no promises? Not that you would want a re-make of this pitiful excuse of a bedtime story )
1. Poor Poor Unicorn

[3:08:23 AM] JeSuisDevenu: tell  
[3:08:24 AM] JeSuisDevenu: me  
[3:08:24 AM] JeSuisDevenu: a  
[3:08:26 AM] JeSuisDevenu: story  
[3:09:24 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: um...  
[3:09:41 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: A long time ago, in a land farrrr far away, there was a unicorn.  
[3:09:53 AM] JeSuisDevenu: -claps-  
[3:10:07 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: The unicorn was covered in short, soft white fur, and had a glimmering silver horn, and a rainbow mane.  
[3:10:48 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: Nearby, in the desolate grotto known as "Devils Ballsack", lived an evil witch, named Grell.  
[3:10:59 AM] JeSuisDevenu: o.o  
[3:11:31 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: Grell admired the unicorn, and all of its beauty, and wanted its shiny fur, and lucious mane for herself, being an old ugly hag she was.  
[3:12:17 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: One day she decided to play a trick on the Unicorn, whose name was weirdly enough "cheese".  
[3:12:40 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: Cheese, while beautiful, was not a very smart unicorn, and happened to like his namesake veerry much.  
[3:13:08 AM | Edited 3:13:28 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: So Grell laid a trap, a simple mousetrap. Only 100x larger, with a huge block of cheese on it, Setting it in the middle of Cheeses morning stroll path.  
[3:13:35 AM] JeSuisDevenu: o-o  
[3:14:26 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: As cheese went to take his stroll the next morning, he came upon the trap, that was hastily covered in branches, and whatnot. Seeing the cheese, he galloped over, stepping onto the trap, and getting caught, like a fucking idiot  
[3:16:04 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: Grell, after checking the trap a few hours later, found Cheese struggling, and failing, to get out of her clever trap. She gathered him up, dragging him and the trap back to her hobbit house, Cheese being dragged by her carriage, that was pulled by Two ENORMOUS slugs.  
[3:16:34 AM] JeSuisDevenu: I'm still hungry o.o  
[3:17:12 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: As they reached her hobbit house, she had her slug minions drag Cheese through the door, and set her biiiggest kettle on to boil, sharpening her knives as it reached the perfect temperature.  
[3:19:55 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: As the kettle came to boil, she stepped over to Cheese, cutting off his beautiful rainbow mane, placing it into the kettle. "There there" she cackled, as the unicorn went into shock.  
[3:20:39 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: Next, she took her biggest knife, eventually sawing off the unicorns beautiful sparkly silver horn, laughing devilishly as she tossed it into the pot.  
[3:21:17 AM | Edited 3:21:51 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: Now, being an old witch, she started to chant in the ancient language of foo, going on about the fighters, and something about the walking everlong pretenders, that one of these days would be my hero.  
[3:23:48 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: She chanted more, going on about how times like these learn to fly, and to let it die. She went on about rope, and bridges burning, and how the long road to ruin was the monkey wrench in the wheels.  
[3:24:12 AM] JeSuisDevenu: hehe :P  
[3:24:20 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: (HAAA xD puns)  
[3:24:39 AM] JeSuisDevenu: thankyou for story :)  
[3:24:58 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: not done yet T^T  
[3:25:04 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: let me finish, damn  
[3:25:04 AM] JeSuisDevenu: yay x3  
[3:25:13 AM] JeSuisDevenu: go on go on x3

[3:27:08 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: As she continued her chant, thinking stranger things have happened, with resolve, no way back, she realized she was wasting light, listening to the echos, silence, and thought of patience and grace, as she took out her bigger knife, sawing apart the unicorn, cutting long strips of flesh to put in the pot  
[3:27:24 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: (xD)  
[3:28:32 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: She tossed the strips into the pot, enjoying the whinnys and cries of the once majestic creature, and reveled in its uglyness that it now had.  
[3:28:53 AM] JeSuisDevenu: to be honest id think it'd be bleeding out / dead by now  
[3:30:42 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: (oh fucking well, whose telling the story?)  
[3:31:14 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: She then grabbed her giant spoon, that just haappened to look like a giant dick, stirring the mysterious liquid.  
[3:31:36 AM] JeSuisDevenu: _ _ _ sowwie  
[3:31:51 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: :P its cool, sorry, this is the most fun ive had in a while.  
[3:32:58 AM] JeSuisDevenu: :P  
[3:33:00 AM] JeSuisDevenu: :)  
[3:33:02 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: She stirred the liquid, evoking the language once again with a string of unintelligible words. As she heard a stiffling croak, she looked over at the pile of wrecked flesh and bones, and giggled when she saw the unicorn was no more.  
[3:33:15 AM] JeSuisDevenu: dawww poor cheesey  
[3:33:28 AM] JeSuisDevenu: i bet she is making french onion soup cause it has so much cheese in it  
[3:34:18 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: DAAHA xD  
[3:34:56 AM] JeSuisDevenu: :)  
[3:36:06 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: *she laughed and cackled and sung a few of the ancient spells, and stirred the potion until it was done. She then had a giant slug take it off the fire, to cool for a moment.  
[3:37:27 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: She then stripped completely, the slugs all taking the hint and sliming away as fast as they could to avoid seeing such a travesty, and hopped into the still almost boiling liquid.  
[3:38:16 AM] JeSuisDevenu: haaaah  
[3:40:50 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: Her skin literally melted off of her, giving her the appearance of a very gorgeous 20 year old woman, with luscious honey brown hair, and dark eyes. She was very busty, and had a nice ass as well. (HA, that takes balls to write) She gulped down the liquid as quickly as possible, it aiding in her dramatic transformation.  
[3:41:29 AM] JeSuisDevenu: o-o  
[3:44:19 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: She stepped out of the tub, saying in an astonished voice... "Hot dammn, i be sexy." And skipped off to the nearest bar, whoring herself out again for the first time in a hundred years, catching a bajillion suitors, and eventually aids, and only god knows what other stds, dying a few months later in a dinghy hotel named "The Phantomhive Estate".  
[3:46:15 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: Karma, bitch...  
[3:46:26 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: A half life... a cuuursed life.  
[3:47:03 AM] JeSuisDevenu: o-o  
[3:47:07 AM] JeSuisDevenu: meh  
[3:47:14 AM] JeSuisDevenu: BETTER TO BURN OUT THAN TO FADE AWAY  
[3:47:18 AM] JeSuisDevenu: (rock)


	2. Rap battle

~(Authors Note)~

Okay so me and a group of friends were chatting, and the subject of raps came up... This is what ensued . (Ignore the random Ramsey comments.. They just made me giggle .)

Disclaimer: Yes I know this isn't really writing xD

[12:12:41 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: only me 3  
[12:12:49 AM] NOOBSY 3: you're awesome seb xD  
[12:12:59 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: nah  
[12:13:05 AM] NOOBSY 3: you are men  
[12:13:06 AM] NOOBSY 3: xD  
[12:53:17 AM] NOOBSY 3: SEB!  
[12:53:26 AM] NOOBSY 3: I MADE A RAP SONG THAT I SANGED IN CALLED!  
[12:53:34 AM] NOOBSY 3: HERES THE LYRICS FOR IT!  
[12:54:07 AM] J | K: And then. I called her a freakin beaner.  
[12:54:20 AM] NOOBSY 3: only you can call me beaner  
[12:54:21 AM] NOOBSY 3: and Rick  
[12:54:23 AM] NOOBSY 3: .  
[12:54:25 AM] NOOBSY 3: no one else  
[12:54:54 AM | Edited 1:13:33 AM] NOOBSY 3: This is TwitchyNoob ya ya !

I'm known as TwitchyNoob  
Or So I'm known  
Imma be real here and tell the shit that i've never told  
Its time for me to unfold  
People discriminating me from beaner, loner, to a fool  
Playing me like I was their tool  
Everyone stop  
And listen to me  
You fuckers are missing out  
The true me  
I know I maybe a dork  
But that's all cus I can't hold a fork  
Nah Nah Nah Its not what you think  
I'm just a clumsy mother fucka  
With to much chill  
No matter what you guys say I'll never look down  
I always look up  
You hear that  
I don't give a fuck  
Go back sucking a dick  
Since yo assess is a stupidass prick  
[12:55:52 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: whoa noobsy.. write me a rap bout myselfs?...O.O  
[12:56:53 AM] NOOBSY 3: i'm a writer man remember xDD  
[1:10:44 AM] NOOBSY 3: but i'll accept the challenge o-o  
[1:10:55 AM] NOOBSY 3: soooooo yeah *thinks*  
[1:11:17 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: THIS FOOD IS ABSOLUTE RUBISH! *throws plate across the room*  
[1:11:38 AM] NOOBSY 3: hmmmm  
[1:12:04 AM] NOOBSY 3: in the rap should i use seb or sir psycho?  
[1:12:24 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: Both *O*  
[1:12:29 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: wherever they work  
[1:12:44 AM] NOOBSY 3: *nods* i'll see what i can do  
[1:12:54 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: cool beans... O_O  
[1:17:08 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: I'm gonna read off gordon ramsay memes  
[1:17:20 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: YOUR MEALS ARE FIT FOR A GOD, BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL BURNT OFFERINGS!  
[1:18:36 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: THIS CHICKEN IS SO RUBBERY GOODYEAR CALLED AND ASKED FOR THE RECIPE!  
[1:21:19 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: THIS CHICKEN IS SO UNDERCOOKED A SKILLED VET COULD SAVE IT!  
[1:22:53 AM] NOOBSY 3: ok  
[1:22:54 AM] NOOBSY 3: seb  
[1:22:56 AM] NOOBSY 3: heres the rap  
[1:23:00 AM] NOOBSY 3: i did the best i could  
[1:23:01 AM] NOOBSY 3: xD  
[1:23:04 AM] NOOBSY 3: You see this here i'm young and hot  
bow down you little bitch before you get dick slapped  
And I ain't here to start a flirt  
I'm here to throw my verse  
I may love my dicks and cookies too's  
But i'm still more then a sebby  
Heck even more than the sir psycho sexy  
Pff I know i'm sexy and love to get messy  
But y'all don't know how I really roll  
I rock and roll to my songs  
To fapping y'all mother fucka for the cutie next door  
I'm number one so bring out the fur floor  
Imma spitting and grinding until one of you give in and suck my cock  
Heh you think i'm joking i'll show you my stuff  
I know i be packing that scares other men off  
Flop and flap  
wiggle and jingle  
Thats what I handle  
Respect me for who I am and everything will be fine  
Or else I'll go insane in your asshole  
[1:24:55 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: holy ..shit.. you make me sound like a fuck monster *O*  
[1:25:03 AM] NOOBSY 3: srry o-o  
[1:25:15 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: thats not a baaaadd thing /  
[1:25:19 AM] NOOBSY 3: oh o-o  
[1:25:24 AM] NOOBSY 3: well theres your rap =w=  
[1:25:35 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: THIS DISH IS SO POORLY PREPPED EA IS TRYING TO PUBLISH IT!  
[1:25:52 AM] NOOBSY 3: ik my rap sucks xD  
[1:26:15 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: no, he is still doing the ramsey jokes, noobsy  
[1:26:18 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: YOUVE PUT SO MUCH GINGER IN THIS DISH THAT IT'S A WEASLEY!  
[1:26:27 AM] NOOBSY 3: oh o-o  
[1:26:34 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: xDD YESH  
[1:26:34 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: These aren't about your rap  
[1:26:40 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: it's about awesome ramsay memes  
[1:27:19 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: YOU'VE PUT SO MUCH SPICE IN THIS DISH IT'S GOING TO MAKE A SONG CALLED WANNABE!  
[1:27:52 AM] Sir Psycho Sexy~: duuuude, ima put this in my random ass skype stories  
[1:28:11 AM] NOOBSY 3: xD  
[1:28:39 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: YOU'VE USED SO MUCH GARLIC HBO HAD TO CANCEL TRUE BLOOD!  
[1:29:27 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: THIS SQUID IS SO UNDERCOOKED I CAN STILL HEAR IT TELLING SPONGEBOB TO PISS OFF!  
[1:29:29 AM] NOOBSY 3: ...my editor says i rap well  
[1:29:35 AM] NOOBSY 3: apparently I can rap o-o  
[1:29:38 AM] NOOBSY 3: *shrugs*  
[1:30:21 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: YOU SENT OUT SO MUCH SMOKE THAT NATIVE AMERICANS CAME TO MAKE PEACE!  
[1:30:26 AM] NOOBSY 3: i mean rapping is easy if you know how to ryhme then its easy i'm not gonna be like nikki making some weird jibble language up but  
[1:30:27 AM] NOOBSY 3: yeah  
[1:31:29 AM] NOOBSY 3: so yeah its all in the ryhming and making the rap some sense xD  
[1:32:06 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: Jen  
[1:32:22 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: THIS DISH IS SO UN PREPARED THAT RUSSIA IS HOSTING THE OLYMPICS IN IT  
[1:32:31 AM] NOOBSY 3: xDDDDDDDD  
[1:32:42 AM] NOOBSY 3: OMFG!  
[1:32:46 AM] NOOBSY 3: speaking about russia  
[1:32:58 AM] NOOBSY 3: then russians man  
[1:33:01 AM] NOOBSY 3: them*  
[1:33:24 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: Okay one more one more I found one that's hilarious  
[1:33:37 AM] Mah Smexy Man-Toy: Why didn't the chicken cross the road? BECAUSE YOU DIDNT FUCKING COOK IT!  
[1:33:52 AM] NOOBSY 3: o.o  
[1:33:55 AM] NOOBSY 3: god damn  
[1:34:49 AM] NOOBSY 3: poor chicken  
J | K  
Mah Smexy Man-Toy  
kitty shamrock


End file.
